Classic peer pressure thing. You're not helping yourself with peer comparisons. I'll tell you right now. If being a beggar was fashionable and your peer group was doing it, then you'll be wanting to do that? Just think about this for yourself. You can NOT think about your peers and do whatever you are doing well. Isn't it obvious?
Indeed you are right, and I get what you mean. However this doesn't only come from peers, it comes from for example from my parents (who one could argue at the same time are influenced by "society" and so on), and it simply isn't easy to ignore their wishes for me to have a better and "proper" life, especially when I am dependent on them atm for my livelihood.
This is a tricky question to find a good answer for, but all in all, yes you are right. Indeed, everyone is different and everyone doesn't have a set path. However, I don't know how I could brainwash myself to think like that in my day to day life, not only when I am "deeply thinking about it".
Step 1: Take time off from yourself and your opinions about yourself (stuff like I am not cut out for this, I am a failure da di da di da). Stop this destructive cycle and stop playing victim. You are not helping yourself or the world with this mode of thinking.
Step 2: Realize that you are alive and breathing is the greatest thing. I mean we are all mortal and could be gone anytime. I cannot understate the importance of reminding ourselves about this.
Step 3: Realize that Success and Failure are 2 sides of the same coin. Success and Failure are also 2 constructs/labels of society. Honest to God, let me tell you nobody knows what they are doing and why. So you are in a somewhat better situation in terms of looking at what you really want right now. Go inside yourself and introspect. Forget about what society considers Success and Failure.
Step 4: Realize that you can only do things to the BEST OF YOUR ability. Which means forget about what others are doing.
Step 5: Balance. I mean inner balance. Don't even try anything without setting course inside first.
So to summarize, go to a quiet place wherever, relax and sit around and introspect for a few days even a month. And do whatever it takes to find "unshakeable" balance inside, meaning no desperation/fear.
>Do whatever you want. And this only you know for yourself. Nobody can tell you.
Thanks for the supportive message, and if I am completely honest to you, I find it very hard to think like you do.
In response to each of your steps:
Step 1: I will try to do this, however, what I am most afraid of is that my past dictates what I can be in the future. Therefore, since I cannot see any "successes" in the last 5 years of my life, "25% of it", I cannot imagine my future going any better.
Step 2: Yes, I understand this perfectly. I've suffered from some help problems and you're than 100% right.
Step 3: Well, that's hard to do as once George Costanza said Seinfeld said "You know, we live in a SOCIETY". I believe that one of the most important aspects of our lives is to feel comfortable where we live in, and thus simply "ignoring" what our society considers failure and success is simply impossible. I do however indeed share the sentiment that this is not something objective.
Step 4: Oh boy. This is a very hard one for me. It's impossible for me to think like that, because it seems like we since we are little are rewarded for being better than someone, for having better grades, for being more popular and whatnot. Later on in our lives we are rewarded for having a better job w/ more money, a better SO on average if we are a better, etc... This is why I simply cannot think that it's enough to do my best, and I understand this mindset is not only self-defeating but straight out detrimental, but I don't know what to do about it.
Step 5: No comment.
Thanks for your response again, however I am asking for the opposite, so to speak. I'm tired of being myself, I'm tired of living life wandering around with no compass and the consequences of being like that. That's why I created this post.
1) Every creature (you and others) is going to the grave no matter what. No one gets out alive.
2) You're alive for now. That in itself is enough to start taking control of what you wish to experience inside yourself.
3) The current moments cannot be changed at this point in time, but they can be used to start looking at possibilities in situations ahead in life.
4) You are actually responsible for everything that is happening within you. So it is definitely possible to change that.
Wrong, don't be anything. Pedestrian or Deep. Labels do NOT matter. San Francisco has got this wrong. And most of the world is following San Francisco, that is wrong.
Be and do what must be done, not get advice from Collison or Musk et al. This is something I have learned along the way. Sure, respect achievements.
Please for God's sake do not try to become like someone or be something or change the world. It is not worth it. Others can label you. It doesn't count.
Step 1. Balance. (Like a lot of other people have said here)
And I mean Balance on all dimensions of how you are as a person. Mental and Physical being the primary ones. There are other dimensions but that's outside the scope of this context.
Once this is set (and its a lot of work, mind you) then it doesn't matter if you do software engineering or skiing or X.
