And the big win is that it's quite possible to go from "asshole" to "amicable." It's less likely someone goes from "mediocre" to "brilliant." A good manager can go a long way in coaching you professionally, but they can't raise your IQ.
Most people can see through "I strongly disagree for the following reasons..." as a euphemism for "your idea is stupid, and this is why..." And the more you emphasize "strongly" in the former, the more likely "fucking" materializes between "is" and "stupid" in the latter.
That kind of bland vocabulary makes one's statements sound like limp static. Corporate dialect is contrived to remove strong (corporate-environment-inappropriate) emotion from your speech. If you're well acquainted with your colleagues, then I'd hope you could express yourself more genuinely. You're probably more relatable than a peppy talking head who never offends anyone.
In this cases, shouldn't the discussion be purely about the technical merits of the idea, rather than emotions of the people speaking about it? I would count removing unneeded emotions from the conversation as a positive thing.
I'm a machine learning engineer so "unneeded input" is something I rarely consider as a valid statement. Oftentimes when you're arguing the merits of one approach versus a different one, you have to use your rhetorical skills to influence another party. You both believe you have the best solution. You believe your logic is consistent and complete.
Emotion is a very powerful signal during discussion. It's a counterpoint to logic; they work together. Rarely does logic by itself win anyone over. Trying to remove "unneeded" (who decides what an unneeded emotion is) emotion is folly. We're not Vulcans.
So, all things being equal and arguments having the same merit, the less polite and less rational person wins. If i am able to contain emotions and argue by facts only, I will be at disadvantage.
I'd rather have a brilliant jerk than a regular jerk.
But regular jerks abound at work because they at least don't make you feel stupid and insulted.
And you hit the nail on the head with your experiences. In high school I was neck-and-neck academically with a brilliant jerk. He went to Harvard, is now a millionaire (without inheriting it) and a much nicer person. Competing with him was one of the most formative periods of my life. He made me better, because I learned not to take harsh criticism and hectoring so seriously. Look at what they do (for you), not what they say (to you).
I actually wish there were a brilliant jerk like him in my workplace. But there are just regular jerks.
